It pays not to get too obsessed with your legacy

In the November issue of Rolling Stone, Eddie Murphy dispensed some wisdom on the dangers of taking yourself too seriously. In an interview, he said:

This whole period of documenting an artist’s work, movies, records, all this shit, it’s 100 years old, if it’s that. It’s brand-new. Beethoven and those fuckers couldn’t even listen to their shit, do you know how hard it was to find a mother-fucker with a violin that worked back then? And his stuff went through the ages. Technology has it where they gonna play this stuff forever. But the reality is, all this shit turns to dust, everything is temporary. No matter what you do, if you’re around here long enough, you’ll wind up dribbling and shitting on yourself, and you won’t even remember the shit you did. I saw this documentary on Ronald Reagan, and it was like, ‘Whoa.’ They say he came into the house, and he had the toy White House that he had taken out of a fish tank, and he goes, ‘I don’t know what I’m doing with this, but I know it has something to do with me.’ He had even forgotten he was the president. No matter what you do, that shit is all getting turned into gobbledygook. In 200 years, it’s all dust, and in 300 years, it ain’t nothing, and in 1,000 years, it’s like you wasn’t even fucking here. But if you’re really, really lucky, if you really did something special, you could hang around a little longer.
Meanwhile, on the topic of death and legacies, it’s very fucking sad that Patrice O’Neal has died. I interviewed him briefly at the Comedy Central Roast of Charlie Sheen in September. He was very friendly and low-key, and when it was time for him to take the podium he seemed genuinely put out by some of the  brainless frat-boy humour that had come before. He called out William Shatner for his flat-out racist jokes, and he huffed at the tasteless ‘jokes’ others tried to make about his diabetes, or how fat he was. He was too classy for that stage.

Even big fish in big ponds have scant reason for vainglory

Even if you were the most powerful person on the planet for 50 years, you wouldn’t be all that special. Considered in the course of all of human history, you would be just one of 4,000.

Today is the era of the generalist

Reading the many Steve Jobs obituaries that appeared following the Apple CEO’s death last week, I was struck by the difficulty the writers had in defining exactly what it was he did. Was he a technologist? A designer? An engineer? A businessman? It’s hard to say. Jobs didn’t have a university degree. He didn’t dedicate his time to any one particular narrow endeavor. His remit was broad; his influence sweeping. The New Yorker’s Ken Auletta described him as a “bridge”.

What he was was a bridge – between businessmen and technology, between designers and technology, between animators and engineers and the public. Here’s an example. When I was writing my book on Google, I would sit in at meetings there and understand half the words – they might as well have been speaking Swahili to me. Jobs never spoke that way. You understood him. Engineers are brilliant – they have all sorts of ideas. But without someone like Jobs to translate their work, they could never cross that divide.

That’s another way of saying that Jobs was a multi-disciplinarian. It wasn’t easy to categorise what Jobs did, because he didn’t operate in just one category. He was a generalist with wide vision. Sometimes this quality is referred to, with some deprecation, as ‘Jack of all trades, master of none’. It deservers better treatment than that.

It was Jobs’ ability to think outside the restrictions of any given field that made him special. As a visionary with bold ideas – a thinker, to put it simply – he created digital devices and delivery systems that up-ended the music, media, and communications industries. It’s unlikely any of his disruptive innovations – the iPod, iTunes, the iPhone, the iPad – would come from within any one of those industries.

There is debate about whether or not Jobs’ contribution to technology and media will ultimately be considered positive – critics think he presided over a walled-garden business model that compromised freedom at the altar of profit; consumers simply voted with their dollars – but it can’t be denied that his efforts were brilliant and the impacts far-reaching.

Jobs is just one example of how intuition and imagination are as important as specialist skill, knowledge, and discipline when it comes to, as he would say, putting “a dent in the universe”.

In the last few thousand years of thought, specialists have rightly been held up as the great heroes of intellectual achievement. Socrates the philosopher. Darwin the naturalist. Einstein the physicist. Tesla the inventor and engineer.

But there are exceptions. Isaac Newton, like Jobs, didn’t fit so easily into one category. He was a physicist, mathematician, astronomer, natural philosopher, alchemist, and theologian. Leonardo Da Vinci was a painter, sculptor, architect, musician, scientist, mathematician, engineer, inventor, anatomist, geologist, cartographer, botanist, and writer. (For the record, I don’t think Jobs should be held in the same regard as these great thinkers – he is merely a topical analogue.)

As we continue to evolve and move into an era of hyper-available information, we should hope for more Newtons and Da Vincis stepping up to answer life’s big questions.

For that to happen, universities should drop their common insistence on course specialisation – the idea of having a ‘major’ is outdated and, while good for some, is ultimately limiting. Students should of course still have the option to specialise in one subject, but they should be encouraged to dig in new directions, to chase fairies through enchanted gardens, and to commit to a scholarship that links sciences with the humanities (and even, if they must, commerce).

We are in a better position than ever to answers life’s biggest questions: Is there a God? What is the meaning of life? What way of organising society is most in harmony with our biology, evolutionary history, and social behaviour? How do we achieve happiness? Can we end armed conflict, and, if so, how?

Answers to these questions have long been sought, but they have been confined, largely, to philosophers who weren’t exposed to the vast scholarship and science that today is available at the end of a Google search. Socrates with Wikipedia would have been a towering prospect.

It’s time to attempt to answer these questions because we are now in the privileged position of having instant, easy, and free access to centuries of accumulated knowledge. Thanks to the internet, this vast bank of knowledge – complete with detailed histories, rich scholarship, and succinct synopses – is immediately accessible, easily digested, and spreadable on a scale that 20 years ago we couldn’t have imagined.

Jared Diamond is a prime example of a modern generalist who is helping us understand life and the planet in ways that were previously mysterious. In his books Guns, Germs, and Steel and Collapse, he traces the course of human history and lays out how we became who we are today – why certain cultures are richer than others, why some societies thrive while others suffer, and how powerful empires meet their demise. Diamond, in the Newton mould, is a cross-disciplinarian of the highest order. Here’s how he describes it in the introduction to Guns, Germs, and Steel:

My mother is a teacher and linguist; my father, a physician specialising in the genetics of childhood diseases… I went through school expecting to become a physician. I had also become a fanatical bird-watcher by the age of seven. It was thus an easy step, in my last undergraduate year at university, to shift from my initial goal of medicine to the goal of biological research. However, throughout my school and undergraduate years, my training was mainly in languages, history, and writing. Even after deciding to obtain a Ph.D. in physiology, I nearly dropped out of science during my first year of graduate school to become a linguist.

Since completing my Ph.D. in 1961, I have divided my scientific research efforts between two fields: molecular physiology on the one hand, evolutionary biology and biogeography on the other hand…

My speciality is bird evolution, which I have studied in South America, southern Africa, Indonesia, Australia, and especially New Guinea. Through living with native peoples of these areas, I have become familiar with many technologically primitive human societies, from those of hunter-gatherers to those of tribal farmers and fishing peoples who depended until recently on stone tools.

Diamond possesses the wide vision and broad wisdom necessary for building a narrative greater than the sum of its parts – for making sense of a jumble of information that otherwise would be considered only in silos.

We owe massive intellectual debt and gratitude to the likes of Socrates, Einstein, and Darwin for laying the groundwork from which all of today’s society benefits. But we also owe it to those thinkers to move a step beyond their findings and start tackling the questions that they were never equipped to answer. We have the tools at our everyday disposal.

It’s time to shake off the tyranny of tunnel vision. Bring on the generalists, celebrate the visionary, and let’s start joining the dots of our existence.

Capitalism has failed so it’s time to try something else

There’s a problem with capitalism: it doesn’t quite work. No economic system does, of course. The other great hope, communism, doesn’t have much to show for itself either.

Capitalism, however, has promised us so much. Enormous wealth. Security. Abundance for all.

Economists and libertarians have long placed their faith in free markets but seldom have they had the opportunity to see whether or not the theory works in practice. The US might be capitalism’s shining light, but since the Great Depression it hasn’t really been all that capitalistic. Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, welfare, subsidised farming, and a political system that is the sphere of only the most privileged – sometimes it seems like the country is downright socialist.

In the last decade, however, that socialism has been steadily eroded. A deregulated banking industry, tax breaks for the rich, outsourcing of labour jobs, a tightening of immigration laws for skilled workers, and an increasingly corporatised political system have undercut the socialist safety net that has helped keep living standards high in what was once the greatest economic power on Earth.

Instead, America has turned its back on the collective good and emphasised more than ever individual responsibility, the every-man-for-himself mentality endorsed by the Brothers Koch, and the trickle-down religiosity that supposedly justifies the rich getting richer while the poor get poorer. The top 400 Americans today have more wealth than half of all Americans combined. From 1983 to 2009, 80 percent of US wealth gains went to the richest 5 percent of people. Forty percent of the total wealth gain went to the richest 1 percent of Americans.

The problem with with unfettered capitalism is that it encourages the worst of the human’s base instincts. We are social animals, but, if we think no-one is looking, we are more than happy to act selfishly. In a society for which the main economic principle is based on competition, we are encouraged to act in the self interest – ostensibly for the greater good. “Capitalism,” as Alain de Botton has said, “is committed to fracturing and dissolving our communal ties.”

And that’s where it fails us.

Humans are a cooperative species. Millions of years of evolution have made us so. Since the homo sapien emerged 200,000 years ago, he has had to figure out a way to stave off hungry lions, defeat the elements, get shelter, and stay well fed. That’s simply not possible alone. We humans are weak. We’re slow. We are prone to sickness. Without air-conditioning, we can’t even get a good night’s sleep.

Somehow, however, we have come to dominate the planet. And it wasn’t through trickle-down economics. Capitalism has predominated as our main economic principle for only 10,000 years, since farming was introduced. Sounds like a long time, but it’s not. It’s pathetic. We’ve been around for 200,000 years. Even if we managed to survive as a species for another 10,000 years – and, with climate change, resource scarcity, and over-population, that seems unlikely – our record as capitalist farmers would pale compared to our success as hunter-gatherer collectivists.

If somehow we do manage to eke out another 1,000 decades on this planet, that gives capitalism 10 percent the lifespan of hunter-gatherers, who lived (and in some areas still live) sustainably from the land and shared responsibility for everything: food, child-rearing, shelter, and protection.

The common riposte to this point is that life for hunter-gatherers was “nasty, brutish, and short,” as Thomas Hobbes would have us believe. In his book Guns, Germs, and Steel, Jared Diamond makes short shrift of that argument:

In reality, only for today’s affluent First World citizens, who don’t actually do the work of raising food themselves, does food production (by remote agribusiness) mean less physical work, more comfort, freedom from starvation, and a longer expected lifetime. Most peasant farmers and herders, who constitute the great majority of the world’s actual food producers, aren’t necessarily better off than hunter-gatherers. Time budget studies show that they may spend more rather than fewer hours per day at work than hunter-gatherers do. Archaeologists have demonstrated that the first farmers in many areas were smaller and less well nourished, suffered from more serious diseases, and died on the average at a younger age than the hunter-gatherers they replaced. If those first farmers could have foreseen the consequences of adopting food production, they might not have opted to do so.

Then people will talk about the wonders of modern medicine and technology, fruits of capitalism that make our lives better. That is true, to an extent. But the 1 billion people living in hunger might take some convincing.

In The Belief Instinct, psychologist Jesse Bering argues that morality can be defined by acting in the group interest rather than in self interest. This version of morality would have been essential for survival among hunter-gatherer groups, and it explains why selfish behaviour is so instinctively frowned upon by so many. We have an in-built impulse for fairness. That’s why economic and status equality are two of the most important predictors in any society’s levels of happiness (a point also made by Dan Buettner in his book about the happiest places on Earth).

In the small groups in which our pre-farming ancestors lived (Dunbar’s number suggests a median of about 150; similar to that of tribes, neolithic farming villages, and basic units in armies), regulating this sense of fairness would have been straightforward. Everyone would know everyone, and, with everyone ‘looking’, selfishness would have to take a back seat.

We don’t enjoy that luxury in modern times. Our societies exist as heaving anonymous clumps with widely dispersed populations and a diluted sense of collective responsibility. Hence selfish behaviour. Hence the tragedy of the commons. Hence the failure of communism.

So the big question is, if capitalism isn’t working and communism has already failed, how should we organise our societies?

The answer is to fuse the best of capitalism – which has been very effective at generating wealth, but hopeless at distributing it – with the best of socialism, which capitalises on the best human instinct: cooperation.

The world’s population is too big and too dispersed to recreate the small-group dynamics under which the hunter-gatherers lived so successfully. So all we can do is create economic conditions that mimic hunter-gatherer principles – principles of shared responsibility – as best we can.

That means retaining the incentive-based structure of capitalism but building into it measures that protect the wider population. That means high taxes to ensure first-rate services, especially in education, health care, welfare, transport, and public facilities. It means fostering a sense of community at every level of society, instead of sectioning off the rich from the poor. It means shifting resources from ‘defence’ and punishment to prevention and rehabilitation.

There are, believe it or not, societies on this planet who exist in such ways. Some of them are in Scandinavia. These countries happen to be among the happiest, most peaceful, and most prosperous in the world. (Norway, Denmark, and Finland are consistently among the top five countries reporting the highest happiness levels; and Scandinavia is home to four of the 10 most peaceful countries in the world.)

It’s not a perfect solution, but it’s preferable to the current dominant system, which has landed us in our current bind (protests on Wall Street; recessiona tanking stock market; a jobs crisisthe world being uncomfortably close to economic collapse). And while there’s no turning back the clock to hunter-gatherer times, perhaps with socialised capitalism we’d at least stand a chance of delaying the embarrassment of our imminent self-destruction by a few thousand years. It’s either that, or we all learn to live off food stamps.

But wait – isn’t that communism?

Money is important, but it is useless if pursued without a sense of balance

Every fool has a theory about the secret to happiness, or even mere survival. So why not me? I’m a fool. I have theories.

This, however, is not so much a theory as a recipe. Three simple ideas, one healthy result: a good life.

None of these elements is more important than the other. Rather, each relies on the other. The three are linked together in a delicate balance. If one gets out of whack, the whole stack of cards comes tumbling down.

Have I mangled enough metaphors for you yet? Let’s get this started.

Resource security + physical security + emotional security = good life

Resource security

Once upon a time, ‘resource security’ referred to food and shelter. Today, it refers to money – so we can buy food and shelter. At least part of the reason that so many rich people are still so unhappy is that they place too much emphasis on resource security at the expense of physical or emotional security (or both). They work too hard, or for too long, costing them opportunities to exercise, play, or spend time with friends and loved ones; or they let the stress of a job undermine their emotional well-being because of the promise of increased riches that ultimately don’t contribute to overall well-being.

Money is important, but it is useless if pursued without a sense of balance. There’s evidence that after a certain point it doesn’t increase our happiness anyway. A recent Princeton University study found that after a threshold of US$75,000 for annual household income, people are not going to feel substantially happier with their lives.

Physical security

You only get one body, so you have to make it last. If you can also make it fit and healthy, then you might even enjoy it. The benefits of physical health are almost too obvious to write down, but because this particular paragraph would be too short without at least some of them, here I go. Physical health is good because: it helps avoid illness and disease; it enables you to do more things and see more sights; it makes you more attractive to potential sex partners; and it contributes to your emotional well-being.

Emotional security

This is perhaps the most overlooked element in our modern capitalist society. And I don’t mean to suggest that we all start visiting therapists. Too often we prioritise money over emotional well-being.

Instead of choosing to live in a modest dwelling that is close to our place of work, for example, we might choose to live in a big house that requires a long, stressful commute to work (and, as Slate says, long commutes can cause obesity, neck pain, loneliness, divorce, and insomnia).

Instead of taking time out to enjoy the things we love – arts, entertainment, sports, socialising, gardening, reading (all stress-relieving activities) – we might over-work ourselves in the pursuit of money, substituting awesome things for shitty things; a double loss.

‘Emotional security’ sounds airy fairy, but anyone who has been depressed knows it is not. It is as important as physical security and resource security. Each feeds the other. If one falls, the other goes down with it.

There. Now you know how to be happy. Go do it.

‘All bad poetry springs from genuine feeling’ – Oscar Wilde

One of the best pieces of advice I ever received from an employer was: “When something pisses you off, hit the pause button. Take some time out, cool down, and then decide how you’re going to respond.”

The idea was to not react in the heat of the moment; to keep your emotions in check while you formulate a response that is not going to come back to haunt you. To find a way to a resolution that causes minimal, if any, fall-out.

I have silently thanked my old boss for that advice many times. It has made me better in my job, and better as a person. Specifically, it has made me better at resolving arguments without pissing off friends or loved ones, or making a dick of myself.

All this sprung to mind recently while observing the public fall-out of the Tech Crunch crew following founder Michael Arrington’s forced resignation in the wake of his decision to set up a venture fund. (Read David Carr’s take on the questionable ethics of Arrington’s move – a column that precipitated the fall-out.)

Aside from a few grumblings on Twitter, Arrington kept his head mostly below the parapet. The same couldn’t be said for his former colleagues. Paul Carr, a writer who seemingly wakes up every morning and injects himself with a massive dose of ego-enhancing steroids, first started leaking his strangely vindictive frustration on Twitter, and then wrote a self-important resignation post revealing gossipy insider info on the debate within Tech Crunch, at the same time showing the professionalism of a teenager in expressing his personal opposition to the newly appointed editor, Erick Schonfeld.

To his own discredit, Schonfeld responded immediately on Twitter – a service that encourages our base instinct to react in the heat of the moment. “I accept your resignation @paulcarr,” Schonfeld tweeted. “Nice timing to post that while I am on a plane. You are a misinformed coward.”

What are the chances that that last line is going to haunt Schonfeld at some point in the future? What are the chances he would have left that last line out had he waited a few more hours – or even a day – before replying to Carr’s post?

As if to put an exclamation mark on the pettiness of the whole affair – and to vindicate Carr’s still-lousy resignation post – Schonfeld followed up his tweet with a post of his own on Tech Crunch, calling Carr out for “blindsiding” him by posting the resignation letter while he was boarding a plane. He also said, “Paul’s resignation post reads like the brave stand of a man of principle. But the truth is that Paul doesn’t really know what he is talking about.”

In this case, the immediacy of a blog (like Twitter) and the need to ‘break news’ encouraged a rash response. But instead of levelling the scores and correcting the record – which is likely what the new editor imagined he was doing – Schonfeld just came across as an insecure and hot-headed editor; perhaps someone not even worthy of the job.

Would Schonfeld have been worse of if he chose not to respond to Carr publicly at all?

The point is, both Schonfeld and Carr had legitimate gripes, but they did nothing to help resolve those gripes by airing them so quickly and so publicly, without apparent due consideration. In the process, they likely destroyed their professional relationship, lost the respect of many of their readers, and damaged their own personal brands.

To use the metaphor from this post’s headline, they were both writing poetry that sprung from genuine feeling. But that poetry was pretty damn ugly.

All cities should be comprised of neighborhoods, rich and poor, intertwined block by block

Third in the US for crime rate per capita only to Memphis, TN and Oakland, CA (crime rates per capita in 2009), Baltimore is a stagnant if not a dying city, and has been for the last 30-40 years. Once topping the growth of New York City with its booming shipping industry thanks to its easy access to the harbor and industrial factories booming during the Industrial Revolution, Baltimore is now a city of boarded-up windows, broken glass on the sidewalks, and threads of yellow police tape, with a 20% unemployment rate and no end in sight.

One of my professors said it best: “Baltimore is schizophrenic”. Million-dollar historic row-homes sit just a block from boarded-up and abandoned ones; gorgeous mid-century buildings that once represented the height of architectural and engineering achievements are empty and graffitied, right in the heart of downtown, around the corner from city hall. Men and women loiter on the sidewalk outside of a caged-window deli, some dealing drugs, some buying, and some so high that they sit, slumped over on an overturned bucket with their eyes closed to life and the world, while inside, yuppies, hipsters, students, doctors, and lawyers buy fresh mozarella and proscuitto shipped straight from Italy for $15/lb. The change is sometimes so jarring, so unexpected, that I don’t believe it’s real. But I wouldn’t want to live in a city that was anything but schizophrenic.

The other day while walking to school, I witnessed an undercover drug bust. Two black Surburbans pulled up, lights flashing, and six men got out decked in bulletproof vests and ear pieces, and brandishing guns and walkie-talkies. Five minutes later, I was listening to a Harvard-educated law professor talk about what constitutes a contract.

Another time I was hurrying to catch the bus to yoga class, angry at myself for sleeping late and worried I wouldn’t be able to find a spot on the floor of the studio when I passed a homeless man in the street. As I passed him, he looked at me, made eye contact, smiled and said “Good morning,” and suddenly getting to yoga class wasn’t that big of a nuisance.

I catch the light rail to school most days and my fellow passengers come from all walks of life. I’ve overheard conversations about babies and food stamps and relatives and loved ones in jail. I was struck by how much I, a relatively sheltered woman from the suburbs of Virginia, shared in common with people who I had previously felt alienated from or even afraid of. A man lecturing his young companion about how “jobs disappear, money disappears, but education stays with you forever” could be the same speech my parents gave me at the dinner table later that night. Having neighborhoods of all classes so closely intertwined makes them confront each other in their daily lives, whether they want to or not, for better or for worse. There are no dividing lines like highways or bridges or rivers or fences. Neighborhoods rich, poor, middle-class, gay, families, students all butt up against each other like dominoes, cutting wide swaths across the city in no logical way.

There has been an ever-expanding gap between the rich/middle-class and the poor and destitute. With the extinguishing of factories and industrial mills, so went the large working-class base with nowhere to turn to. But guess who makes the laws of the land, who makes policies and enforces them? Those on the edge or barely hanging onto to society are barely given a voice or representation. I find it hard to believe that a Supreme Court justice or a Governor of a State who lives in one of the cushiest neighborhoods in the US, can possibly be able to formulate a rule that creates a just and fair society for ALL. I believe the best way to be an informed member of society is to learn from each other, to see what humanity is capable of, both good and bad.

I can’t say that I am a perfectly informed person of society, capable of understanding anyone, no matter their background or situation, but I can say that I am perfectly able and willing to try. I no longer see issues in crisp blacks and whites, and I no longer pass blanket judgments on people I see on the street. We must be willing to look at all issues squarely in the eye, while walking in the streets, riding on the light rail, or at the corner store. If we continue to build fences and subdivisions that keep who we have deemed “unwanted” out, then what kind of reality can we claim to really know?

The revolution is being tweeted

Is Malcolm Gladwell following this stuff?

In Egypt and Tunisia:

Images of the lowly challenging the mighty have been relayed from one capital to the next, partly through the aggressive coverage of Al Jazeera. Social networking sites like Facebookand Twitter have given the protesters a potent weapon, enabling them to elude the traditional police measures to monitor and curb dissent. But various regimes have fallen back on a more traditional playbook, relying on security forces to face angry demonstrators on the streets.

I wonder if Gladwell would like to revise his opinion piece about why the revolution will not be tweeted. If the revolution were not being tweeted, the Egyptian government wouldn’t be going to such great lengths to make sure its citizens can’t access the internet.

Meanwhile, here’s a social media site for news and info about the protests in Egypt.

From earlier: Malcolm Gladwell is wrong about social media

Modern life isn’t all it’s cracked up to be

Anyone who has played Farmville knows how arduous farming can be. I’m still waiting for the release of a game called Hunter-Gathererville, so we can see that life for our pre-history predecessors might not have been so “nasty, brutish, and short” as we’ve been led to believe. And if it does turn out that hunter-gatherer lives were just as happy as our high-definition, 3D, fibreoptic modern existences, what does that say for the efficacy of agriculture, capitalism, and democracy (which go hand-in-hand)?

I quote from Jared Diamond’s Guns, Germs and Steel:

Scientists used to quote a phrase of Thomas Hobbes’s in order to characterize the lifestyle of hunter-gatherers as “nasty, brutish, and short.” They seemed to have to work hard, to be driven by the daily quest for food, often to be close to starvation, to lack such elementary material comforts as soft beds and adequate clothing, and to die young.

In reality, only for today’s affluent First World citizens, who don’t actually do the work of raising food themselves, does food production (by remote agribusiness) mean less physical work, more comfort, freedom from starvation, and a longer expected lifetime. Most peasant farmers and herders, who constitute the great majority of the world’s actual food producers, aren’t necessarily better off than hunter-gatherers. Time budget studies show that they may spend more rather than fewer hours per day at work than hunter-gatherers do. Archaeologists have demonstrated that the first farmers in many areas were smaller and less well nourished, suffered from more serious diseases, and died on the average at a younger age than the hunter-gatherers they replaced. If those first farmers could have foreseen the consequences of adopting food production, they might not have opted to do so.

Chinese mothers have something to teach us all

By now, most of the internet‘s collective e-mouths have been agog with fury, rage, and controversy over the Yale law professor Amy Chua’s excerpt titled, “Why Chinese Mothers are Superior“, published last Sunday in the Wall Street Journal. Besides free PR for her upcoming book, this article has also made a lot of good, important points. (She later said that she had no control over choosing the title of the article, which is an excerpt from her book, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother.)

The internet community has almost collapsed on itself over discussion of the article, with the coveted children of the First Generation (the majority being Americans) all speaking up to air their grievances like a collective group therapy session. Read all in succession, it almost seems comical. The outlandish tactics parents used to get their children to practice piano, the strict homework and no-playdate schedules, the limiting of social activities they could participate in, and the control exercised over every detail of their life, no matter how private or minute.

But I read and heard little defense of the Chinese Mother. Yes, their behavior can sometimes be seen as borderline abuse, psychologically, emotionally and physically, but only when seen through Western eyes.

Chinese mothers are superior to Western ones when it comes to blind dedication to their children. The jury is still out on whether that results in “successful” offspring, because each culture has a different definition of what “successful” means. To be successful in a Chinese mother’s eyes means an end-product of  financial stability and a good (stable and prestigious) job that makes a lot of money. The key word is “stable”. The pre-cursors to these, of course, are enough lessons, tutoring sessions and academic success to guarantee entrance into an Ivy League college. To be successful in a Western culture means self-actualization, and doing whatever it is that makes you “happy”.

This blind dedication also means that they will never bat an eye when it comes to the cost of college, or any education, be it violin, flute, piano or ballet lessons. It also means that the reason most Chinese kids move back home after college is because their parents offer them a rent-free place, in the hopes that they can save more money. In comparison, many of my Western American friends had to take out their own loans when it came to college, or at least have a job or take a work-study position, even when their parents had enough money and means to go on cruise vacations or have a holiday house at the beach. It also meant that their parents told them over and over again, “when you’re 18, you are outta here. Sorry”.

I, of course, can chime in with my own stories of strict Chinese parenting.

Growing up, I used to envy my Western friends. When they received a B on a paper or test, it went on a fridge and they were paid $10. When I received one, I was called stupid and worthless. They were coddled and babied and told that no matter what they did, they were special and unique. My parents were harder on me because they expected better from me. They expected better from me because they knew I was capable of more. This belief is what still motivates and drives me today. I know what I am capable of, and am not afraid to try. What child, when they start playing piano or learning a new subject, picks it up right away? And what child, especially one at 11 or 12, realizes that if they just kept at it, they would improve?

Since then, I’ve learned to reconcile the two very different messages from my parents and my environment. I realize what my parents were doing. They were instilling the values of hard work and mental tenacity, which are central to life, no matter the job. Life will not and will never be easy for anyone. Worthwhile pursuits like learning a new skill will never come naturally to anyone, even if they are “gifted” or “talented”. Learning how to bounce back and essentially “get over it” is the biggest lesson one can learn. But I also learned that it was important to have my own definition of success and happiness, and that a healthy blend of both cultures is ultimately the way to go.

You can argue that there are very few Chinese-American CEOs,  high-profile innovators, politicians, or stars in the creative fields – but when you consider the low percentage that are homeless, in jail, or unemployed compared to other first-generation immigrant groups, then the “Chinese mothers are superior” argument starts to gain credence.

I love my mom (and dad!). I love them unconditionally, and respect and admire the sacrifices that they have made for me and my brother, but in the same vein I realize that they are, like parents of all cultures, still humans and subject to mistakes and stumbles in parenting. They raised us the best way they knew how — the same way that their parents raised them. When it comes time for my own children, I can only hope that I will be able to do as well as they have done.

Finally, I think it’s important to keep in mind that Ms. Chua’s excerpt is just that — an excerpt. I have no doubt that the title and the content were chosen to generate the most buzz and publicity, but I also have no doubt that the book as a whole is a commentary on exactly what I’ve come to realize: that balancing the two cultures and methods are the most important, but there are some lessons that we should take from our Chinese moms’ rule book.

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